Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on October 19th, 2013
So, it is the Upcomingdiscs.com 31 Nights of Terror and your favorite columnist, Mr. Michael "Hey, were you expecting John Ceballos?" Durr has stepped in for a review about some of his favorite subjects. Cheesy Horror flics and Alyssa Milano. Today's title is an absolute cult classic and that is the original 1995 Vampire thriller, Embrace of the Vampire. So strap yourself in, and prepare to watch something so beautiful that it brings a tear to this columnist's eyes. (Tissue please)
*Warning*, the following post may contain absolute chicanery. Any attempt to make sense of this review should probably require a trip to the local psychiatrist's office for an immediate appointment. While there, you might want to ask for my mind back. I seemed to have lost it on my way to the Badminton for Divorcees convention. Thank you for your cooperation.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on October 16th, 2013
"We always thought that alien life would come from the stars, but it came from deep beneath the Pacific."
The only thing we seem to love more than giant monster movies are movies about giant dudes going a few rounds with said giant monsters. It was huge television fare in the 1960's and 1970's. We had Ultraman, Space Giants, and Johnny Socko. All of them were Japanese imports that gave us daily or weekly monsters doing the old "Tokyo Stomp", and just when things appeared at their darkest, the giant hero would arrive and give us a show more akin to the weekend wrestling shows than anything else. We'd get choke-holds and body slams that would make the rubber suits jiggle as they fell. It was all in good fun and appears to have pretty much disappeared from the television and film landscape. That is, until Guillermo del Toro brings us one of the summer's eagerly awaited tentpole films: Pacific Rim.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on October 3rd, 2013
All good things must come to an end, and so it was at Walt Disney Studios. The Golden Age of feature film animation had started with Snow White And The Seven Dwarves in 1937. By the end of the 1970's it was all but gone. As the studio entered the 1980's the things had gone from bad to worse. Walt was gone, and so it seemed was the magic. Most of The 9 Old Men had either retired or passed away. The studio leadership was considering closing the animated studio and moving on to live-action films only. It was a dark time for the artists and creative folks at the Mouse House. A shadow had fallen. Sounds pretty much like the beginning of a Tolkien tale, doesn't it?
Enter a new regime. Michael Eisner became the new head of the company, and Jeffrey Katzenberg teamed up with Walt's brother Roy Disney to head the new studio. The first thing they did was banish the animation studios from the Disney lot and set them up in warehouse-like trailers in the middle of industry nowhere. It looked like the axe had finally fallen. But the exile turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to this new generation of Disney talent. Under the new leadership the creative forces banded together and began to do something they hadn't in a long time. They began to dream once again.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Jeremy Butler on September 17th, 2013
Ever wondered what Jumanji would have looked like if it were rated R? Well, look no further than The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond. This B-movie focuses on the perils of secrets coming to life through the assistance of a demonic board game which ultimately leads to all kinds of destruction and mayhem. While watching, a thought occurred to me: Why is it that many of these movies start off the same way? With a tale of a place where several people have died under suspicious circumstances, and the first thing the characters do is rush off to this accursed place. Well, it’s safe to say that the film doesn’t really score points for originality in that aspect.
Turkey 90 years ago: an archeological dig unearths a mythical game said to have been played by demons. The explorers’ curiosity gets the better of them, and they reassemble the game and play; none survive. Fast forward to present day, a group of vacationing friends that includes rich jerkoff Rick (James Duval, Independence Day), twins Erica and Renee (Electra and Elise Avellan, Grindhouse), Kathy (Danielle Harris, Hatchet II) and her boyfriend Trent (Walker Howard, The Express), soft-core actress Veronique (Mircea Monroe, Hart of Dixie), as well as a few other friends make their way to the island expecting a fun-filled weekend. (Isn’t that how it always starts?)
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on September 11th, 2013
Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is an acquired taste. For me, I’ve really got to be in that certain mood to watch it. The idea is pretty whacked. Depending on the season you’ve got, Joel or Mike is trapped in space on the “Satellite of Love”. Doomed to spend his life watching very bad films, our hero makes the best of a bad situation. He uses his resources to construct a couple of robot pals. Together they watch the films from the front row, constantly riffing on them. If you’re like me, you’ve invited a few friends over to watch a schlock festival. The movies weren’t as important as the banter you created while watching. That’s exactly what you see here. The silhouettes of our host and his robots dominate the lower portion of the screen, where they provide alternative dialog and sometimes witty commentary on the action. The two evil station owners/mad scientists send them a new bad film each week to observe their reactions to the bombs. The films are broken up by off-the-wall skits and fake commercials to alleviate the tedium. The series started as a public access show in Minnesota and was picked up by Comedy Central, where the access quality remained as part of the show's charm. This is a show you could have produced for the cost of a lunch at McDonald's and remain on the value meal menu. What would happen if they got Hollywood money and a chance to go big?
The idea started actually while the show was quite young and still just a local phenom. It was the early Joel years, and ideas for a feature film were always flying among the writers. One of the early ideas had robot Crowe reproducing Steve McQueen's motorcycle stunt from The Great Escape, except this time it was to get to a sunbathing Kim Cattrall. Apparently Cattrall was into the idea, but costs and other factors killed the idea in the...well...idea stage. Other ideas included a musical. None of these ideas got off the ground, and the show continued to plow its television horizons, cultivating a bit of a cult following.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on August 27th, 2013
"Poor John Doe, what a way to go."
You might be asking yourself the obvious question here. I know that I was. Who is Arthur Newman? Arthur Newman is Colin Firth. The busy actor has been the king of the hit-or-miss movie. He's scored some wonderful roles in films like The King's Speech. But much of his career has been as a chameleon actor in niche independent festival films. Arthur Newman certainly fits in that latter category. In fact, the film has been making its way through the European circuit for the better part of the past year. Now it appears poised to make the jump to at least a few mainstream multiplex screens. I wouldn't hold out much hope for the chances. Direct to video might have been a better landing place for this one. It's about to get Summer Stomped.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on August 10th, 2013
Plenty of movie critics out there like to praise the artsy movies like they are the second coming. We see it all too often. Critically acclaimed, revolutionary, captivating, all over used words to described the latest movie that often is nothing more than a good reason to sleep for two hours. For me, I love a different type of movie, in a generic term, the cult classic. A movie that is so awful, it is often fantastic in its own way. A frequent subsection of this is the campy erotic thriller. One of those films is on the docket today, and that film is the DePalma classic: Body Double.
Let's cue the scary music! Bring in the fog! As we roll back from the very fake graveyard, we see a rock and roll vampire (played by Craig Wasson) laying in his coffin. As he is about to hit his moment and rise from the grave, he gets an unfortunate case of claustrophobia. Cut! Cut! It appears the actor, Jake Scully is having issues on set. Director Rubin (played by Dennis Franz) wants to know what happened out there and Jake does his best to explain it away. They almost go back for a second shot but not before the graveyard catches on fire thus calling it quits for the day.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on July 15th, 2013
It's hard to imagine that Sylvester Stallone and Walter Hill never crossed paths for an action movie in the early days of their careers. Both have established themselves as staples in the action movie genre, and they dominated the 1970's and 1980's. It seems like a dream come true that the actor and director have finally joined forces. Unfortunately, some dreams are actually nightmares, and if Bullet To The Head is any indication, the two stars would have been better off had they remained unaligned.
The story is based on the French graphic novel Du Plomb Dans La Tete by Alexis Nolent. I have never seen the book, so it would not be possible for me to compare the two. Here the story involves hit man James Bobo (Stallone). He's on a hit with his partner Louis (Seda). Things go smoothly until James decides not to kill a hooker witness. Is he going soft? Not really. It turns out the two have been set up by their boss Marcus Baptiste (Slater) who has sent another killer, Keegan (Momoa) to get rid of the team. James gets away, and now he wants to find out who set him up and killed his partner.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on June 13th, 2013
"Me and my boy here, we're gonna put a whuppin' on ya!"
In case you haven't been paying attention, 2013 is turning out to be the year of the returning action stars. The Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger teamed up with Korean action director Jee-woon Kim to deliver a very entertaining ride in The Last Stand. Sly Stallone teamed up with action icon Walter Hill to bring us the not-so-entertaining Bullet To The Head. Of course, perhaps the most eagerly awaited return was Bruce Willis back in the role that made him an action star in the first place. This is less Willis's return and more a potential swansong for cowboy cop John McLane. It's the fifth entry in the Die Hard franchise and the first sequel written originally as a Die Hard film and not something adapted to the character. With the disappointing Live Free Or Die Hard still fresh in my memory, all bets were off when I entered the cinema for a sneak peak of A Good Day To Die Hard.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Jeremy Butler on June 12th, 2013
Hansel and Gretel, everyone has heard of this fairy tale, right? The Brothers Grimm tale about a brother and sister lost in the woods who come across a house made of candy. They go inside and are soon captured by a witch who goes about stuffing them with candy to fatten them up to be slaughtered. Somehow the cunning pair manages to escape their shackles, and while the witch is distracted with the oven, they push her into the oven and destroy her. We have all heard the tale, but what happened afterwards? Did they go back home, or did they live out their days in the witch’s house? Clearly I’m not the only one to wonder what happen to this pair of siblings, and now thanks to Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, and the folks at the Paramount and MGM, we have our answer.
Fast forward many years later (as the film doesn’t give a specific number of years that have gone by), Hansel and Gretel have grown up to become famous and equally dangerous witch hunters. When the town of Augsburg is plagued by witches who have been abducting the town’s children; the incompetent Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare, Prison Break) and a mob of townspeople are in the process of condemning a local woman to be burned at the stake without any evidence of guilt. The mayor in an attempt to calm the panic of the townspeople has brought in Hansel (Jeremy Renner, The Avengers) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton, Prince of Persia).
