Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on March 27th, 2015
There's a mile-long list of Hollywood movies that have been re-titled in foreign countries to hilarious effect. I've personally had much less experience with foreign productions being re-branded for American audiences, but Diamond Heist seems like one of the more egregious examples you're likely to find. The DVD cover has professional tough guys/straight-to-DVD MVPs Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones brandishing weapons while accompanied by a vague explosion and the wonderfully generic tagline, “Payday is only a bullet away.” In other words, there's nothing here that suggests this Hungarian import is actually an action/comedy about male strippers.
To be fair, when you read back the key parts of that last sentence — “Hungarian action/comedy about male strippers” — it's not hard to see why there was some re-tooling in order to maximize the film's prospects in the U.S. Diamond Heist was originally titled Magic Boys, even though the Chippendale's-style action is less Magic Mike titillating and more Full Monty slapstick.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on March 25th, 2015
“The recent earthquakes in Los Angeles: facts of life or foreshadowing the big one?”
I'm not saying the makers of L.A. Apocalypse — a SyFy-level TV movie centered on catastrophic earthquakes in California — timed the release of their low-budget action flick so it premiered well ahead of San Andreas, the would-be summer blockbuster starring Dwayne Johnson about catastrophic earthquakes in California. It's just funny how things often work out that way. L.A. Apocalypse doesn't have The Rock (or anyone you've likely heard of) and is working with a very small fraction of San Andreas' budget. The result is as underwhelming as you'd expect.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on March 18th, 2015
It’s been about a decade since Hollywood first tried to make a movie out of Halo, the blockbuster Xbox videogame series. The closest fans came to seeing Master Chief on the big screen was a 2006 adaptation with Peter Jackson serving as executive producer and his then-protégé Neill Blomkamp directing. Unfortunately, development costs started to skyrocket and the duo opted to make District 9 instead. Meanwhile, Halo remained a potentially-lucrative multimedia property. So Microsoft, which owns Xbox, finally decided that if they wanted a Halo movie done, they had to do it themselves.
Nightfall is actually the second live-action offering set in the world of Halo, following 2012’s well-received Forward Unto Dawn. Each of them originally aired as five-part web series aimed at Xbox users, and both had higher production values than what you’re accustomed to seeing in that medium. Expectations for Nightfall were even higher after Ridley Scott signed up as an executive producer. (I mean, it couldn’t be worse than the stuff he’s been directing lately?)
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on January 20th, 2015
We can blame thank Liam Neeson — or “Liam Neesons” — for this recent run of action movies about men of a certain age who tear their way through some part of Europe in the name of their missing or dead children. Viktor — a French/Russian production starring Gerard Depardieu and Elizabeth Hurley — is one of these latest Taken take-offs. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the more inert revenge films you’re likely to see.
It’s a shame because the movie has a lovely, kinetic opening credits sequence featuring a Chechen dance rehearsal. (The sequence is paid off quite nicely at the very end.) Shortly after that opening, we meet Viktor Lambert (Gerard Depardieu) a French art thief who has just finished serving a seven-year prison sentence. Just before getting out, his son Jeremie (Jean Baptiste Fillon) is killed. Viktor arrives in Moscow — where Jeremie was doing work for a diamond smuggler named Anton Belinsky (Denis Karasyov) — looking for answers.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on November 24th, 2014
“Welcome to the 21st century!”
Sylvester Stallone has dedicated the better part of the last decade to giving moviegoers what they wanted 20 years ago. It started with 2006's Rocky Balboa, which closed out Stallone's signature franchise in the satisfying manner fans have been craving since 1990's Rocky V debacle. We’ve also gotten another Rambo sequel, as well as long-awaited team ups with icons both real (Schwarzenegger in Escape Plan) and cinematic (Grudge Match was “Rocky vs. Raging Bull”). But Stallone's biggest recent success is the veritable fantasy team of action stars he's assembled for the Expendables films.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on November 21st, 2014
Breaking news: anyone who goes to see movie called Into the Storm is probably more interested in “the Storm” than they are in any of the people running away from it. The good news is the film understands this, to an extent, and clocks in at a slender 89 minutes. Of course, the titular Storm doesn’t appear for every one of those 89 minutes. This is very bad news because Into the Storm is populated with characters and storylines that are both forgettable and irritating. It’s basically Twister with somewhat better effects, but much less interesting people.
Into the Storm is mostly set in and around the fictional town of Silverton, Okla. A group of storm-chasers — led by cranky, road-weary Pete (Matt Walsh) — has been struggling to film tornadoes, and Pete is taking out his frustrations on the entire team. That includes data-driven meteorologist Allison (Sarah Wayne Callies), who steers the team toward Silverton. The decision looks like a bust until a dissipating system comes back with a vengeance. The storm erupts during a high school commencement ceremony, where Vice Principal Gary Fuller (Richard Armitage) realizes his oldest son is missing (and very inconveniently hanging out in an abandoned paper mill with his would-be dream girl). Gary eventually crosses path with the storm chasers, who help him in his quest to find and rescue his boy.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Brent Lorentson on November 11th, 2014
Personally I’m not a fan of the Fast and Furious franchise, despite the fact that I tend to enjoy films from the genre. For me, I’ll take the old school films like Vanishing Point, Two-Lane Blacktop, and the original Gone in 60 Seconds over these big budget productions any day. All I can figure is that these films that I do enjoy are working with budgets that force the directors to be creative and understand most of their elaborate stunts only get one take and are not polished with CGI, but instead whatever the camera captures that is what we see on the big screen. The stunts are simply incredible, and the cars in my humblest opinion were simply cooler back then.
Drive Hard is a fun throwback to chase films that lived in an era of drive-in theaters and grindhouse cinema. Thomas Jane plays Peter Roberts, a former race car driver who gave up what could have been a successful career to be a father. Sure, this is a respectable decision, but it’s a decision that has haunted him, as he now has taken on a career as a driving instructor. Despite Roberts being a parent, he still hasn’t managed to give up the dream of being something more than an instructor, only it’s hard to imagine he could have expected Simon Keller (John Cusack) would be the person who would become the motivating force. Simon isn’t just a regular student of Peter’s; in fact, Simon has specifically found Peter to once again take a spot behind the wheel, only this time around it is in the form of being a getaway driver.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on October 28th, 2014
“That man brings hell with him wherever he goes.”
The “man” is supposed to be Paul Brennan (Jason Patric), a retired mob enforcer-turned-unassuming auto mechanic who reluctantly returns to his violent ways after his daughter goes missing. But the real culprit might be director Brian A. Miller. With The Prince and this year’s The Outsider, the director has made two consecutive sub-Taken crime dramas that lack the cohesion, refinement or energy to work even as satisfyingly junky action movies.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on October 21st, 2014
“Kings are made, not born.”
It’s a provocative thesis for any story, especially since the same debate about kings has played out over centuries’ worth of world history. Unfortunately, filmmaker Lu Chuan largely decided to take a “tell, don’t show” approach with The Last Supper, which depicts the last gasp of China’s Qin dynasty and the rise of the Han dynasty and its commoner-turned-emperor.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on October 7th, 2014
By the time the innovative opening credits for Sons of Liberty wrap up, the movie has outlined an expansive backstory that mixes historical fact (the real-life Sons of Liberty form in Boston in 1765) and fiction (Allister Salinger, the head of the mysterious Ordo Mundi, designs the first successful human clone in 1974). It’s surprisingly dense stuff, especially for a jumbled, straight-to-DVD action/thriller that mostly plays out like a particularly violent episode of NCIS.
To be fair, part of my confusion early on in the film probably stemmed from the fact that I didn’t realize I was watching the third movie in a series of low-budget action films from director Drew Hall. Sons of Liberty follows Skyhook and The Phoenix Rises, both of which came out in 2012. Each of the films follows a group of scientists and operatives who work to thwart various terrorist groups. At least that seems to describe these last two movies; from what I gather, Skyhook mostly has characters standing around and talking. (Even worse, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is nowhere to be found.)
