Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on October 14th, 2014
Everyone on TV has nicer clothes and a bigger home than you do. And I’m not just talking about fictional doctors or lawyers. Even small-screen characters with relatively modest incomes manage to live in palatial apartments. Need proof? The 2 Broke Girls in CBS’s hit sitcom have an apartment that is literally big enough to fit a horse. (Hi, Chestnut.) Season 3 brings a new pet (Ep. 3/“And the Kitty Kitty Spank Spank”) and briefly threatens to remove Max and Caroline from their home (Ep. 22/“And the New Lease on Life”). I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying things work out in the end. By now, the show's crass predictability has become oddly comforting.
Max Black (Kat Dennings) and Caroline Channing (Beth Behrs) are best friends, despite the fact that they appear to be polar opposites. Caroline — the disgraced daughter of a jailed Ponzi schemer — is blonde, skinny and chipper. Max — the street smart survivor who seems to have a million jokes about her deadbeat mom and unidentified dad — is dark haired, busty and sour. The two are surrounded by their wacky, warped surrogate family at the Williamsburg Diner in Brooklyn.
Posted in: The Reel World by J C on October 11th, 2014
It’s October, which means there’s probably a new, spine-tingling offering coming at you every day. (That’s certainly the case here at UpcomingDiscs.) Kill the Messenger — a thoroughly compelling, true-life drama that channels the crusading spirit of All the President’s Men and The Insider — is no one’s idea of a horror movie. Unless you’re like me, and you happen to be a newspaper reporter.
“National security and crack cocaine in the same sentence…does that not sound strange to you?”
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on October 9th, 2014
“You know what you just did, don’t you? You jumped the shark.”
People have been mocking SyFy original films since the days when the network spelled its own name properly. But staying home on a Saturday night to “MST3K” your way through flicks with D-list actors and Z-grade visual effects has been replaced by Twitter, which practically blew up when the impossibly campy Sharknado premiered last year. SyFy recognized that social media has made it possible for anyone with Internet access to trade yuks and one-liners on a global scale; more importantly, it has allowed the network to be in on the joke in an unprecedented way.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on October 7th, 2014
By the time the innovative opening credits for Sons of Liberty wrap up, the movie has outlined an expansive backstory that mixes historical fact (the real-life Sons of Liberty form in Boston in 1765) and fiction (Allister Salinger, the head of the mysterious Ordo Mundi, designs the first successful human clone in 1974). It’s surprisingly dense stuff, especially for a jumbled, straight-to-DVD action/thriller that mostly plays out like a particularly violent episode of NCIS.
To be fair, part of my confusion early on in the film probably stemmed from the fact that I didn’t realize I was watching the third movie in a series of low-budget action films from director Drew Hall. Sons of Liberty follows Skyhook and The Phoenix Rises, both of which came out in 2012. Each of the films follows a group of scientists and operatives who work to thwart various terrorist groups. At least that seems to describe these last two movies; from what I gather, Skyhook mostly has characters standing around and talking. (Even worse, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is nowhere to be found.)
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on October 6th, 2014
So you want to make a zombie flick, but you realize everyone and their (undead) brother seems to have beat you to the bite punch. The question becomes, “how am I going to make my monster movie standout?” Even if you mess around with time, place, and genre, it’s hard to stake out new territory. The micro-budgeted/straight-to-DVD Dead and the Damned — also released as Cowboys & Zombies in 2011 — tried to play with all three. This new sequel takes a more typical approach to zombie horror; in fact, the biggest departures are a curiously-armored hero, a disabled heroine, and an amusing undercurrent of horniness.
The Dead and the Damned II — you can tell this is a serious sequel because they went with a roman numeral — opens with Lt. Col. Sawyer (Robert Tweten) solemnly incinerating the pile of goo that used to be his family and putting the ashes in a thermos. (Sadly, there wasn’t a Folgers tin can readily available.) Sawyer proceeds to dispatch a bunch of zombies and embarks on a mission to scatter his wife and daughter’s ashes in the Pacific.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on October 6th, 2014
My mom's worn-out VHS tape was simply labeled “Motown 25.” I can very vividly remember it sitting in the entertainment center of our living room in Puerto Rico when I was little. It even migrated over to St. Petersburg with the rest of our family almost 20 years ago. As time passed and we adopted DVDs, a lot of our VHS tapes got pushed to the background (or the scrap heap). But not “Motown 25.” I suppose I never realized the historic, star-studded concert celebrating Motown's 25th anniversary had never been available on DVD. Well thanks to StarVista Entertainment/Time Life Entertainment, that's no longer the case.
“Some of the things you're gonna see this evening are gonna blow your mind.”
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on October 2nd, 2014
Despite its found-footage conceit and similar-sounding title, The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill is somewhat of a different demon animal than a certain recent horror franchise. Given that found-footage fatigue seems to be setting in among critics and audiences, any sort of deviation from the norm should be welcome. The problem is this film ultimately doesn’t deviate far enough and hedges its bets with a climax that seems transplanted in from a handful of other movies. More importantly, viewers will probably be too bored to even care by the time movie gets around to being scary.
The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill, like many of its horror brethren, is “based on true events.” (I cannot emphasize those quotation marks strongly enough.) What does help the film stand apart is its real-life spooky setting. In 2010, a group of filmmakers sets out to explore and document the haunted history of St. Mary’s Church in Clophill, a quaint English village. That history includes rumors of Satanic rituals and ghostly apparitions. As a result, Clophill and its church have become a popular attraction for grave robbers and people interested in the macabre.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on September 29th, 2014
“Politics, backstabbing, murder...just another day at French court.”
The creators of Reign — the CW's campy, compulsively-watchable adaptation of the Mary, Queen of Scots saga — seem to be perfectly aware of their audience. I don't think I'm talking out of school when I say no one turns to the CW — home of DC heroes, vampires, and other Supernatural beings — for gritty realism or historical accuracy. So it really shouldn't be a surprise to find the monarch's life has been turned into a handsome, soapy, frequently ridiculous drama that will nevertheless make European History teachers around the world facepalm in unison.
Posted in: The Reel World by J C on September 26th, 2014
“Odds against you? Need help? Call the Equalizer.”
That familiar classified ad — which receives a clever update toward the end of this film — and a hero named “Robert McCall” are about the only things this bloody, big-screen adaptation has in common with the TV show that (allegedly) inspired it. And that's fine, especially when you consider a large portion of this movie's audience is probably not slavishly devoted to a CBS crime drama from the 1980s. (Assuming they've seen it at all.) The bigger issue is that, beyond it starring one of the world's best and most charismatic movie stars, there's not a ton that's new or particularly interesting about The Equalizer.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on September 25th, 2014
- "Let's never say the words 'Carrion' or 'Initiative' ever again."
- "Amen to that."
