Brent Lorentson

Who doesn’t get a little creeped out any time they see an old van cruising slowly through their neighborhood?  Now, I’m not talking about the soccer mom mini-van you see plenty of, but I’m talking about those vans from the 80s and beyond that seemed to be the vehicle of choice in films where kidnapping is involved.  Creep Van takes the idea of the sleazy van and uses it to its fullest, transforming this white metal beast into the ultimate death trap on wheels.  Unfortunately the van and the gore are pretty much all the film has going for it.
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“Meet the Robertsons clan. They turned duck calls into a multi-million dollar empire.  But running a family business is tough when the family just wants to run wild.”

I have to admit when I got handed this to review my expectations were not just low, but part of me just wasn’t looking forward to this.  I’m just not a fan of reality television with the exception of every ghost hunting show out there.  I have no shame in admitting I want to believe. So a show about good ol’ boys that are millionaires for making duck calls, it simply sounded painful.
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It’s hard to imagine where horror would be right now if George A. Romero never directed Night of the Living Dead.  Just look at the past decade and the slew of zombie releases…if not for Night of the Living Dead none of those movies would have ever been made.  For those of you who can’t miss a single episode of The Walking Dead, yet another thing that never would have been if not for Romero.  It’s not that he created the zombie; he simply created the zombie that we know and relate to today.  He’s the man who set the rules for the zombie and paved the way for the onslaught of gore-filled colloid that splashed across the screen.
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If it was within your power to heal others’ sickness and injuries, would you? Most people’s answer to that question would undoubtedly be yes, but what if the price of healing someone else was to take their sickness on yourself? What would your answer be then? In Heaven’s Door, twelve-year-old Riley Taylor’s life is in shambles. After her mother suffered a miscarriage, her mother lost her faith and has filed for divorce from her father. Her little brother has been diagnosed with asthma, and she witness her grandfather suffer a heart attack and die before her very eyes (wow, that’s a lot to take; I’d crawl up in the fetal position).
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Like many others I love a good gangster film.  Not every film has to be epic like Once Upon a Time in America or The Godfather; the simple ones are just as good like Snatch and Sexy Beast.  In fact there are so many good gangster films out there I could almost argue is there really a need for any more entries into an already bloated genre?  Okay, silly question, because we’ll always want more of a good thing, but unfortunately with the good we have to take the bad.
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Whether it comes in the form of a mid-life crisis or simply a crisis comes along and changes your life, at some point we all reach a moment in our lives where we reflect on the choices we’ve made for better or worse.  Not every decision we make is one we’ll be proud of, whether it concerns those we have relationships with or choices we make in our careers.  With age people have been known to act out to try and recapture their youth, whether it is in the form of a sports car or perhaps dating someone much younger than our friends and family would find suitable
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What do you get when you mix Jackass with stunt master Evil Knievel?  Well, you end up with the Nitro Circus.  This group of guys (and one girl) is made up from a variety of extreme sports athletes and guys that simply enjoy pushing the limits of safety and sanity all for the sake of the ultimate adrenaline rush.  Is this something that really needed to be a movie?  Does anyone really want to see grown men (and one woman) doing bike jumps 400 feet in the air?  Hell yeah we do!
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When a movie claims to be based on a true story, I tend to take this with a grain of salt.  In some form or another, any movie can have some basis in reality; the writer simply puts their own spin on it.  With a movie like The Cottage, I’m not too sure what part is supposed to be the true story.  Is it the creepy tenant that kills anyone who gets in his way?  Or perhaps it is the fact that the creepy killer stalks families to try and have a relationship with their young daughter?
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When you’re the son of an iconic director, it can’t be helped that viewers will tend to expect a little more out of you.  Case in point with Sean Stone (son of Oliver Stone); expectations were in place, especially since dad actually plays a role in the film.  With Greystone Park , it would be safe to assume Stone was looking to remove himself far from his father’s shadow and show he has a vision all his own.  The problem is we get a film that is a bit hit-or-miss throughout.
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The collection of episodes found here are supposed to be the rare and unedited recordings from the public access show Dr. Steve Brule once filmed.  Of course the show is actually a fake one, but for those who have channel-surfed late at night I’m sure at some point the channel has stopped on a public access program.  It was supposed to be a forum where anyone could go in and after some training on equipment be able to film their own program.  Some would have the standard one show where the host would take random phone calls while discussing a variety of topics.  In the case of Dr. Steve Brule (John C. Reilly) he tried to produce his own ‘on the town’ news program.
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Before Hollywood became obsessed with filming unnecessary remakes, throughout the 80’s and 90’s Hollywood was inspired to fill the multiplexes and video stores with as many horror sequels they could manage to churn out.  Sure, I have a deep seeded obsession with Friday the 13th and the Nightmare on Elm Street franchises, but there are other franchises out there that were blessed with a slew of sequels when the originals, though they hold a soft spot in my horror-drenched heart, just didn’t need to continue the story; it was good as it was and should have been left that way.  And that’s how I feel especially about Basket Case.
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This is a film that’s been floating around for some time but under the title The Forgotten Ones.  A simple title change isn’t going to help this film.  The worst part of this train wreck is that it had every chance to be a really good film.  I wish the blame could only go to one person, but there are issues with the illogical script, the direction, the camera work, the editing, and even the sound.  The only things that helped make this film even bearable to watch was the cast (who didn’t have much to work with) and the makeup effects for the creatures was impressive (considering the budget).
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Ever since I first saw John Carpenter’s The Thing, I’ve had a soft spot for movies that take place in cold, snowy climates.  I’m guessing it’s because living in Tampa, there is little to no chance of seeing the white stuff.   Frozen was the last chiller-thriller that had me grimacing at the sight of what frostbite can do. So when I saw the title Hypothermia I figured it was time to crank up the A/C and warm up some Swiss Miss, because I was ready to check this movie out.
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Standup Comedian is the second hour-long comedy special Martin has released.  I’ve watched numerous comedy specials over the years. I’ve seen many I’ve loved, cheered, and even loathed.  When I first saw Martin go through his routine in a previous special, I simply shrugged it off and forgot about it a few minutes later.  I figured he would be one of the many comedians that would fizzle away into obscurity.  But then I found out this guy has a strong following, and I couldn’t understand it, wondering when did drawing pictures become comedy?
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Best known for his appearances on the Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts, Jeff Ross sets off on a cross-country quest to roast America in his new comedy special.  Aside from his appearances on the roasts, I was not familiar with Ross or his stand-up act.  Some may best describe him as rude, perhaps even offensive, but personally, I think the guy is hilarious. To kick off his tour we get to see Ross backstage with his family, and it just so happens that it is his nephew’s birthday, which makes him the first victim of the numerous speed roasts that are to follow.
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I don’t believe anyone could have predicted not only Family Guy being on the air for over a decade but how big a power player Seth MacFarlane (creator of Family Guy and American Dad) would become.  With several shows currently in production, the release of his first live action feature Ted earlier this summer, and now the recently announced hosting of the upcoming Oscars, I believe it’s safe to say MacFarlane is about as big a name as Oprah.  And to think he didn’t have to give his fans cars to do it; he’s just that talented.
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It took some time, but alas, Joe Dante’s movie The Hole is finally available for us all to see.  The impact Dante’s films had on my childhood is something I am thankful for.  I can’t imagine surviving the Christmas holiday without watching Gremlins.  I’ll still never be able to look at a tilt-a-whirl without imagining it being a spaceship because of Explorers.  Then there are the fond memories I have with Matinee, The ‘Burbs, Small Soldiers and few others.  Basically I hold Dante with high esteem and believe he’s one of our best working genre directors from whom I wish we were seeing more. 
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Following in the footsteps of Ancient Aliens, History Channel has put out a new ten-part series to indulge viewers that simply can’t watch enough government mystery and conspiracy television.  I’m not here to judge, because I’ll be the first to admit, when I see there is a new show about Area 51, the Freemasons, or anything with the word secret, I’m a sucker for watching it.  I blame my compulsive obsession with conspiracies from watching the X-Files when I was younger for this.
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