Jeremy Butler

Have no fear, Michael Jai White is here, in a role that is outside the norm that has been established for him in recent years. You know the one, kicking ass and taking names, usually without a shirt on. However, in The Crooked Man, a horror film, he is doing quite the opposite, and also unlike him, he is not the focal point, as the story focuses on a young girl named Olivia, who finds herself not only framed for her friend’s death at the hands of the Crooked Man, but institutionalized when no one believes her story. An intriguing premise, but a bit long in the tooth, if you know what I mean. That said, it does earn the title of best television movie of 2017 for me, but we shall see how long its reign lasts, as we are only two months into the year.
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What do you know about the Stuxnet virus? It’s all right, you can be honest. If I’m being honest, before the documentary Zero Days, I hadn’t even known the name. After watching the film, my knowledge is stemmed more in speculation than fact. I hadn’t realized how many different ways there were to hear, “I can’t talk about that.” To this day, government officials refuse to answer any question regarding the computer virus that was supposedly designed to thwart Iran’s nuclear program. It is incredibly frustrating and has inspired in me a degree of curiosity that I hadn’t known possible beforehand. I can see why it the filmmakers were drawn to this subject matter.
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And the Ultimate Legacy makes three, marking the third installment in what will undoubtedly become known as the “Ultimate” series. Please don’t misunderstand my meaning; I say that as a good thing. Granted, before I watched the film I would have likely said that sardonically, but I must admit to being genuinely touched by the story and have gained an appreciation for the message behind it. Given this is the third go-around for the franchise, the themes and some of the cast is already well established by this point, which opens it up to becoming boring and stagnant; however, despite those obstacles it remains fresh and engaging. It is definitely a movie that should be shared with the whole family.
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When this series initially started, I was intrigued, although it merely seemed like a filler show. However, I find that I have to eat my words, since Beauty and the Beast survived four seasons before coming to a climax with this final season. The swan song for the show had already been sung before the first episode of this season even aired, but that didn’t stop the cast or the crew from providing a suspense-filled season as well as a proper conclusion to the story. 
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What 31 Nights of Terror list would be complete without an addition from the master of macabre himself, Edgar Allen Poe, this time in the form of an anthology series that transforms three of his dark tales into a visual experience that will haunt you. Tales of Poe treats the audience to a front-row seat for the stories of The Tell-Tale Heart, The Cask of Amontillado, and Dreams. Fair warning, these are not direct interpretations. There is some artistic license taken, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Who wants to just watch imitation when you can watch recreation, and that is exactly what Tales of Poe offers.  I hope you have a strong stomach. Who am I kidding, if you are reading this, you must, because Tales of Poe pulls no punches in its tribute to the master.
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First Impressions: a poor man’s Marley and Me. Final Impressions: a poor man’s Marley and Me. So from beginning to end my impression of the film did not change, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. In fact, that is exactly the case for Who Gets the Dog, a heartwarming tale about a poor dog caught in the middle of a divorce of a couple that see him as their child rather than property. Ryan Kwanten and Alicia Silverstone headline the cast of this story but without question the real star is Wesley, our beloved pooch. A wholesome experience can serve as a date movie or film for the whole clan.
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Most villains on earth are those who believe that they are the good guys. She Who Must Burn proves that in spades when a local preacher wages war against a woman’s counselor for Planned Parenthood (not called that during the film, but that is the best way to describe it). This is another welcomed addition to the 31 Nights of Terror, again featuring human evil rather than supernatural evil, which in my opinion makes it even more terrifying, because it could easily go from a fiction to reality.
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Everyone makes mistakes. Decisions that are made in the heat of the moment that haunt them and they wish they can take back. Sometimes those mistakes don’t go away as easily as they want to them to. That is definitely the case for Tara (Jamie Alexander) after her bachelorette weekend in New Orleans. Looking to celebrate her impending wedding as well as forget an indiscretion committed by her soon-to-be husband (Cam Gigandet), she meets Patrick (Wes Bentley), a bartender at a club Tara and her friends go to. They meet, there’s a connection, and as these things go, one thing leads to another, as they say. Afterwards, she just wants to move on and forget it happened, but Patrick will not be ignored (I know it is an obvious rip-off, but it applies).
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This movie is more likely to make you laugh than it is to scare you, so its place among the 31 Nights of Terror is borderline. However, with a title like OMG…..We’re in a Horror Movie, it goes without saying where it belongs. Six friends while indulging in their weekly board game ritual (I didn’t even know that was a real thing) find themselves inexplicably transported in the plot of a horror movie. Realizing that they have been relegated to the stereotypical roles of such horror movie characters as the token black guy who dies
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Imagine being able to move things with your mind, no matter the size. To suddenly be able to send a car or a person flying through the air merely through the power of your thoughts. I’m sure we have all thought about having such extraordinary power. For Zach Connors, it is a reality; however, the power is more curse than a gift. The Mind’s Eye presents an engaging and intriguing look into what it would be like to possess this psychic ability. From the inability to control the power, to the isolation, to the envy and lust to obtain the ability for themselves, the movie hits on several key aspect and all the while never loses steam as it heads towards the final battle, which in itself is quite the meeting of the minds. Pun intended.
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This movie definitely gives credence to the saying, “keep it in the family,” given that it features the two leads falling in love. I know what you’re thinking: that’s nothing new. Almost every story in existence features a love story in one fashion or another. You are correct, but here’s the kicker: they are both married into the family; he to their deceased daughter and she to their cheating son. That should make things a bit awkward around the dinner table at the holidays.
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I have a new opinion, newly formed, that Tyler Labine is underrated, because it goes without question that his performance was the crown jewel of Mountain Men, a story about two estranged brothers who find themselves without a vehicle, trapped in the winter wilderness, and must trek their way back to civilization. This movie features some of the quips and brotherly banter that I’ve seen all year. In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that the two look nothing alike, I would be inclined to be believe that they were actually related.
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You think your home life is screwed up? I can almost promise you that the Gallagher family has you beat in spades. If not, perhaps watching them will help you feel better about your situation. Fiona, Lip, Ian, Debbie, Carl, Liam, and of course Frank are back with Season Six of Shameless, and it’s like they never left. That is the good thing about the series; it always feels like you can pick up right where you left off despite the several-month hiatus. This year is filled plenty of the same antics you are used to seeing by one of my favorite dysfunctional families, including illegal marriages, teenage pregnancy, and criminal mischief. After indulging in Season Six, the only thing you can say is in the words of Steve Howey, “F$8#ing Gallaghers.”
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Charlie “Charlie Mac” McIntyre (Terrence “Terrence J” Jenkins) is a modern lothario (not much call for that world nowadays) with a seamless ability to remain romantically unattached to the many women that he meets and sleeps with. Now before you begin to hate him, let me clarify that he is not callous, and he does have scruples. He does not date anyone that shares a connection to any of his circle of friends in order to preserve their friendship. Despite him respecting that relationship, his friends wish for him to reform his ways and settle down, something he has no intention of ever doing. Believing his actions are emotionally unhealthy, his two best friends Rick and Victor (Donald Faison and Robert Christopher) take it upon themselves to propose a bet: he must commit to one person until Victor‘s wedding, in order to prove that a prolonged period of time with one woman will not fundamentally change his perspective on relationships.  Charlie accepts.
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I fear our acceptance of A Haunted House has opened a door that we may never be able to close, as it would cause the disaster that is Meet the Blacks to be born. Parody films have the potential to be extraordinarily funny or incredibly bad. Can you guess what side of the scale this film falls on? Whether it be through overacting or jokes that attempted to play on every stereotype known to man, Meet the Blacks never really manages to get off the ground and make me laugh, which is equally disappointing given the sheer talent pool of comedians in the film: Mike Epps, Charlie Murphy, DeRay Davis, Lavell Crawford, Michael Blackson, Lil Duval, Paul Mooney, and the list goes on. As I said, this was a clear waste of talent.
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For a film called Joseph and Mary, the titular characters are little more than a footnote in the overall film in my opinion. Jesus has an even smaller role, which is a notable first for film when it comes to films that reference the character. I give it points for it focusing on less notable people rather than the big three. However, that said, execution of the project was a failure to launch due to predictable storyline and lackluster performances.
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